The Mind of a Cheating Partner


Cheating sucks! Whether you are dating, engaged, or married, nothing feels worse than being betrayed by someone that you love. With advancements in technology and the development of social media, you don't even have to leave your house in order to cheat. While no justification for the act itself could make someone feel better, there are several reasons why someone cheats. We've compiled a few reasons why a partner may feel impelled to cheat. We've even left some suggestions for how you can possibly reduce the chances of cheating in your relationship. This does not justify the act of cheating, but merely suggests ways to potentially prevent someone from feeling the urge. Remember, some cheaters will do it regardless. If you have one of those, you have some tough decisions to make. While we know most people have been victims of cheating, we hope that you will never have to experience it again! Be sure to leave a comment and let us know why you think people cheat.

1. "Stroke My Ego."

This is quite common in relationships that have been long standing when couples go into autopilot, causing love and support to operate on assumptions. What happens is, a co-worker, acquaintance, or a perfect stranger could say the right words, and once interest is peaked with a man or woman in a weak state, the body soon follows. To a man or woman with low self-esteem, cheating can be their way of feeling a sense of power. Some husbands and wives may not feel the need to display affection after being in a relationship for a long time, which could make a person feel unwanted. The feelings could make someone question whether they are desirable. If a person feels like they aren't desired, they may be curious to know if they still have "it". Am I still attractive? Could I get someone to be interested in me? Would someone want to have sex with me?

When their partners make them feel like they have to question themselves, sometimes they tend to seek answers from other people- anyone who is willing to stroke their ego. This is even common in households where one partner makes more money than the other. A study conducted by the American Sociological Association (ASA), found that there was a correlation between spousal income and infidelity. Sometimes the infidelity can be both unintentional and circumstantial, meaning, he or she didn't plan on stepping out, but maybe they felt like they weren't getting the attention or affirmation they needed regarding their passions. Our assumption is that when a partner feels inadequate, they are more likely to cheat with someone that makes them feel significant.


  • Be mindful. You never want to make your partner feel like they are not good enough. Make sure that you are speaking life into your partner, especially when they are not where they want to be, yet. Remember, YOU chose them. Don't forget the why.

  • Be consistent. Make sure that you are consistently affirming your love and desire to be with your partner. You are your partner's biggest fan. Leave no room for others to support and praise your partner more than you do. For any relationship to thrive, a consistent effort can go a long way.

  • If you see a change in pattern due to insecurities, don't just play detective. If it's worth it, work to see where the root of change stems from, and make a decision from there.

2. "What They Don't Know Won't Hurt Them."

Many people have found ways to cheat without their partners knowing. They feel as though they can get away with it because they haven't been caught- YET! But I am sure that many of us believe the old proverb, what is done in the dark, will eventually come to light. There are even some relationships where the cheater is caught (multiple times), and they know that their partner is not going anywhere. When a cheater believes that their partner is not going to leave them, they can use their partner's vulnerabilities to their advantage. They may try to say or do the right things to make everything good, until the next time that it happens.


  • Forgiveness is necessary, but regardless of who it is, you can't let the forgiveness of a bad decision be a green light for them to make it a habit. If you know better, do better.

3. "It's My Right!"

We've all heard the stories of people with money and status who think that the rules don't apply to them. Aforementioned, the study from ASA showed that people who make less money than their spouse are more likely to cheat. We'd like to argue that people who make significantly more than their spouse also cheat, because they feel entitled to. Some husband and wives feel like because they are the "bread-winners", or their status, justifies their "right" to cheat on their partner. Some partners operate as though having a little fun on the side is well within their right.


  • We believe that husbands and wives may be less likely to cheat if both are contributing equally to the household. This may not always be realistic financially, but there are other ways to contribute. If you make less money than your partner, make sure that you pull your weight in other ways. In other words, don't come to the table empty-handed.

  • A man should not let the acceptance of foolishness be labeled as loyalty. A woman should know her worth, even if he is able to turn her tears into Tiffany's.

4. "I am Bored."

Long-term relationships take work, and in many cases, they fall into the mundane and routine. Healthy relationships grow and evolve. If you are feeling like your relationship is stagnant, you become less engaged. There are many people who are so consumed by their work or hobbies that they tend to neglect their partners. There is nothing wrong with being committed to doing what you love, but if you're with someone, you have agreed to also invest in the relationship. When a person feels lonely and neglected in a relationship it becomes easier to entertain someone who actually pays attention to them. On the other hand, a person can feel the same urge if they wake up to the same routine, they have nothing to look forward to, and to top it off, sex and intimacy is last on the to-do list. Even worse, the sex is just not that great anymore. You'd be surprised with the number of men and women who are lured into a different lifestyle because they are bored with their own. If they are bored and unhappy in their relationship or sex life, they are more likely to be interested in anything seemingly exciting. Cheating becomes a thrill!


  • Try to increase the romance. This may require you to change up some of your patterns and attitudes within the relationship, but with a little effort and a lot of communication about your feelings and needs, you could restore the happiness.

  • Every relationship needs both certainty and uncertainty. Certainty in the sense of security that you and your partner are who you say you are, and will continue to do the things that you said you'd do. A little uncertainty could mean moments of spontaneity, so that you can keep the relationship fresh and vibrant.

  • Don't sleep on your relationship. Just like a business won't grow itself, a relationship also requires work. Pour into your relationship by creating new and exciting experiences that can bring you closer. Understand that we all have to have a work-life balance. Relationships requires maintenance. Be intentional about how you evolve individually and as a unit.

5. "Two Can Play That Game."

It is common for those who have been hurt to feel like they want to retaliate. Anger and pain can cloud their judgment and make them feel compelled to do things that they wouldn't otherwise do. Many men and women cheat to "get back" at their partners. They want to reciprocate the same pain that was inflicted upon them. In many cases , they look at it like it's a game. Tit for tat. This is really unhealthy, and in many cases nothing good comes from this type of retribution. If you try to teach someone a lesson out of spite, disappointment, or anger, the only thing you'll teach is resentment, and maybe even hatred.


  • As good as it may feel to retaliate, don't do it. When you try to play the game of cheating, you are really only cheating yourself.

  • If you want to move forward with someone after they have cheated, look into counseling. Counseling can be a great way to express your feelings without doing anything that you may later regret.

6. "Too Much Temptation."

Some men and women just love sex! So much so, they fantasize about sexual interactions with different people. Fantasy can be a beautiful place to dwell in, but it can also be very dangerous. Some people get so caught up in fantasy that they disengage from their reality. Social media makes it easier for one to get stuck in fantasy, because with the click of one button, your fantasy seems more realistic. Social sites like Instagram, Tinder, and Facebook, makes it hard to escape temptation. If a man wants to see curvaceous women who appear to be perfect, they can scroll down their timeline. If a woman wants to chat with a man that has a little more money or status, she can hit him up in his DM's. If you are constantly scrolling down timelines and looking at many attractive men and women, it can be challenging not to be tempted by what you see. While this may not always be easy, the fact that you can search online for other men and women who may be looking for sex, regardless of your relationship status, makes it easier to cheat.


  • Become the fantasy. Be open to switching it up in efforts to keep the sex life spicy. Role playing can be a fun way to cater to a person who loves sex. If you are a woman, a new hairstyle or a wig can make things more interesting, and show your man that you have an alter-ego. If you are a man, switch it up a little. Change the setting and engage in a little four-play.

  • Communicate. As we've said before, couples should clearly communicate their needs and interests. I can't fulfill your fantasy if you've never communicated it to me